Monday, May 01, 2006

Too Long


Your probably think that this blog is finished. I mean, I haven't updated for so long. Anyway, I thought i'd just start blogger again. Too many thoughts festering in my mind, going unheard by the masses. But then again, are my thoughts of any use? I guess that's why I hardly ever blog, because I always think "Is anyone even reading this?" and "No one would enjoy reading this!" - but those negative thoughts will have to be put aside for the time being.

Have you ever wondered what your greatest mistake is? I mean, everyday we make mistakes. Some big, some small, some we forget about within a few minutes. Others linger. Have you ever tried to quantify what the greatest one is though? How do you judge "the greatest mistake" (herein referred to as "GM")? How do you go about stacking it up against all other mistakes, and somehow realising, yes, this is the "GM"?

Well, in my case, I think I have realised. I made my "GM" almost 1 year ago. At the time, I didn't realise it was even a mistake. I had somehow convinced myself, that it was the "right thing to do". I mean, that's one of the greatest cliches ever, and I fell for it. I mean, if someone says "it's the right thing to do", usually, 9 times out of 10, it's not. It's just that you've somehow cut yourself off from reality, and created this state of mind, where you become overly critical and logically flawed. And you end up with what? The "GM"

Then again, the whole discovery of your "GM" is only half the equation. The real dilemma is, how to solve it? How to stop regretting the mistake, and trying to somehow rectify it. Of course, that's easier said than done. But if you don't try, then it can't be your "GM". If you don't care enough to try everything in your power to rectify it, than it's just a mistake, not your "GM".

Anyway, I'm not going to say what my "GM" is. That's for me to know. But i've started to try and rectify it. Do I feel that I can? Not really. I'm not entirely sure that I can rectify it, and that may really be the greatest mistake.


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Imagined responses to spam I've recieved #1

Dear Lucas Rodriquez,

In regards to your email titled "You got to know this!", I must first thank-you for sending me this valuable information regarding Human Growth Hormone, or as it is known in more illustrious circles, HGH. I feel somewhat honoured that of all the people with email, you decided to send this priceless information to me, whom you don't even know.

However, as much as the information provided was intriugingly interesting, some questions remain. To call them sticking points would be a misnomer, but there are some nagging queries present.

You quote one of the benefits of the product as "Maintain muscle mass". The question I have in regards to this, is as follows:
If Bruce Banner (aka The Incredible Hulk) was to take this product, would he maintain the muscle mass in his Bruce Banner form, or would it apply to his Hulk body mass? As you could imagine, if this question remained unanswered, many potential dilemmas (dilemmae?) could manifest. Imagine the scenario wherein Bruce Banner is being attacked by The Abomination, and he begins his transformation into the Incredible Hulk, only to remain in the same Bruce Banner form, only with a green visage. The human race would be denied a great citizen, and selfless protectorate. Do you see my quandry?

Also; is this product safe for dogs? Although you name it HGH (Human Growth Hormone), would it have any adverse reactions to our canine friends? The reason I ask, is that a claim is made as to HGHs ability to "Sleep soundly and awake rested". My neighbours dog continually rustles during the night, and obviously has some form of insomnia. Would your product assist in this regard? It's either HGH, or a slight "supplement" in his dog chow (if you get my drift)

And now, I must leave you, as I have more emails to read, and reply to.

Curiously Yours,


(please note:: i actually sent this email. also, i would be happy to reply to your spam. send to the address below)

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

1001 Movies

So there is a book called "1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die". Maybe after you finish watching the 1001th, a strange accident will lead you to die horribly. However, if that is the case, at least you would have seen 1001 movies, of varying (albeit, critically-acclaimed) quality. So currently, I'm struggling to find and watch these movies.

In the past two weeks, I watched (as part of the 1001)
  • (1963), Directed by Federico Fellini
  • M (1931), Directed by Fritz Lang
  • The Third Man (1949), Directed by Carol Reed
  • Twelve Angry Men (1957), Directed by Sidney Lumet
  • Stalker (1979), Directed by Andrei Tarkovsy
Also caught Europa (1991), Directed by Lars Von Trier, and 25th Hour (2002), Directed by Spike Lee. (not in the 1001)

So what is all this getting at? Of the movies I have watched as a result of reading 1001, I haven't been disappointed yet. Would I have watched these movies, if I hadn't been pointed in the direction by the book? Probably not, and perhaps this shows the benefit of having some guidance, via a book or the internet or somesuch. With more more average movies being released, now is as good time as ever to revisit the past, and see the movies that inspired some of todays best film-makers.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , ,

Monday, December 26, 2005

Contrary to popular belief

I'm back. Apart from general laziness, unfortuanetly I cannot come up with an interesting anecodotal story as to why I haven't posted on this blog. Then again, I doubt anyone actually reads it anyway, so perhaps this pseudo-apology is a pointless gesture.

So what can I tell the masses, what amazing thought can I provide to the wider Internet community? Probably nothing, hence the complete silence over the past few months. But perhaps some quick random thoughts should suffice.

which I have already provided.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Typecast by 2 Words

So tonight, a friend of the family, who is visiting from England, came round for dinner. This guy last saw me when I was 1 year old. Anyway, after 5 minutes of non-conversation, he exclaims

"You are just like your (relative removed to protect the innocent), Flippant & Smug. Flippant & Smug, that's what you are."

Now most people would probably be upset with that description. But, for some strange reason, I guess I kind of thought it was appropriate. Then I started thinking, was I really Flippant? Was I really Smug?

Flippant - adj - Marked by disrespectful levity or casualness
Smug - adj - Exhibiting or feeling great or offensive satisfaction with oneself or with one's situation

I don't usual take many things seriously, it's a kind of defense mechanism I guess. So in that sense, I would be flippant about many things. Feeling great with oneself? Although i'm sure that to be smug is not a topic for boasting, wouldn't most people have situations wherein they are smug? Any time you make a clever remark, a sarcastic comment which draws laughter, or even a joke of (un)limited comedic value, that would be the point you could feel satisfaction with your efforts. I guess if that's being smug, I am guilty as charged. Without wanting to sound "smug", if you are willing to try and be funny, even if 99% of the time it falls flat, that 1% of success surely brings satisfaction!

Probably the unmentioned relative and I are alike in that sense. We both are on similar wavelengths of humour, so I guess the description is valid. Perhaps I should rename my blog to "Flippant & Smug". It has a ring to it, I'm sure you'll agree.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Sanity? I think a lack..

Sanity, and the rest of its subsidiaries, is in the somewhat unenviable position of being hated by most music lovers. Today, I came across a perfect example of why this is the case.

Most stores categorise their music by genre or artist. It has been this way since the beginning of music stores, and probably will remain that way for some time yet. Of course, I, like many, dream of the day when tangential thought is translated to tangential categorisation of music. Unfortunately, this seems some way off. But, could you imagine it? Linking artists, and albums by said artists, by guest appearances, similar thematic interest, or even by place of recording. However, it remains a dream, as yet unfulfilled. Nevertheless, it could lead to hitherto unknown musical discoveries.

However, in no tangent known to man (I DEFY ANYONE TO FIND THIS), does Neil Sedaka sit comfortably nestled alongside Elliot Smith. What segue of unnatural and devious means could possible exist for such a calamitous placement? And yet, this was what I chanced upon, as I perused, ever so embarrassingly, the aisles of Sanity. Such was my disgust, my dismay, and my lament, that I almost put down the cd I intended to purchase, never to set foot in a Sanity again.

Fighting back the urge to berate the staff, with a tirade of unseen emotion and rage, I calmly handed my cd to the assistant. My calm face bereft of anger, cleverly disguised the inner seething I was experiencing. The inner turmoil, cleverly camouflaged, by my seemingly kindly demeanour. And then, as if to twist the knife of discontent, which lay sheathed in my music-loving heart, I overheard this exchange.

Braindead consumer : "This sounds good! What band is this?"
Sanity Employee : "It's Thirsty Merc. They are a band out of Sydney. They are really good"

As the monetary transaction was complete, I fought of the urge to bludgeon both of them with my newly bought cd. I vowed never to return.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Random Movie Experience #1

Ok, you know when you have a slightly different cultural taste to other people? You know, when they think everything you like, artistically, is weird and unusual? Well that's usually a good thing. Especially when the prevailing mood today in most art forms, is mass produced crud. Occasionally however, you may express interest in one of those said crud artforms, as a kind of sarcastic aside. However, what happens when this interest is taken literally?

Random Movie Experience #1 - Raise Your Voice

Have you ever wanted to scorch your eyes with a red-hot poker, so as not to be inflicted with visual pain? While simultaneously tearing your ears from your head? Such was my emotions while sitting through "Raise Your Voice". Watching this movie was akin to attacking ones face with a cheese grater, setting the resulting bloody mess on fire, and then jumping into a pool of dettol. Yes, it was torture. And it was 103 minutes which I can never take back.

But, you are probably thinking to yourself, how could you find yourself watching this movie? You know in nightmares, when you seemingly jump from one location to another, without any segue or narrative thread? So became my experience with this movie. Through a series of now-realised ill-conceived sarcastic remarks, I somehow managed to convince a group, that I was a fan of Hillary Duff. Whenever her songs would come on the radio (not in my car!), I would sing along (ironically/sarcastically) and proclaim her to be a musical genius, having a level of creativity and panache, not seen since the likes of the great 60's singer-songwriters. Such was my ability with sarcasm, the realism of my performance, that these individuals believed I was besmitten by Ms. Duff. Hence before you could say "Talentless hack, who can't act, can't sing, and has the bodyshape of a rectangle" I found myself in the cinema, where the median age of the cinema-goers was about 10, and the intellectual age? It was more akin to a number higher than 0 but no more than 2.

Afterwards, when asked about my relative enjoyment of the film, I responded with the only proper comeback. "I Wish to commit suicide". To reinforce my point, I stood atop the ledge of the multi-level carpark, and slowly tottered back and forward in the wind. Asked if "it was really that bad", I re-iterated my suicidal thoughts, and took a step closer to the edge. It was only my extremely well-honed cowardice that prevented me from becoming another statistic.

What is the lesson in all this?
1) Sarcasm is wasting on those uneducated in it's nuances.
2) Hilary Duff's (I shudder to use the word career here, but) career is a goldmine for potential torturers.
3) Writing about said experience in a blog, although therapeutic, is probably a bad move

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Quick Quote - Seems Apt

"I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes.  It involves Russia."
still at 15%

Sunday, October 23, 2005

I remembered the second thing. Musical frivolities contained within my glovebox.

(If you're a culturally-aware thief, and not just junkie or hobo looking for something to pawn at cash converters for your next hit, or bottle of cheap metho, feel free to steal the cd's. However, all I ask is that you email me at and send me a short review. Nothing major, maybe a paragraph or two)

Ok, here is the complete contents of my glovebox. (original cds)

Blur - Greatest Hits
Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism
Elliott Smith - Figure 8
Flake Music (The Shins) - When You Land Here, It's Time To Return
RJD2 - Since We Last Spoke
Snow Patrol - Final Straw
The O.C. - Mix One
The Decemberists - Her Majesty The Decemberists

So some of them are obvious choices. Bright Eyes is basically the artist the term "emo" was invented for. Emo of course meaning "emotional" but for all intents and purposes, the only emotion ever discussed is sadness. Or despondency. And dissapointment. But, on a completely different, and taking a somewhat suprising turn, note (does that work?) is RJD2. Which is basically DJ Shadow lite. Which is still good. The Decemberists are a band which have gotten some airplay on JJJ for their newest album (Picaresque - "engine driver" is the best song), but their second album sits in my glovebox. They sing songs about pirates, revolutionaries, and other literary theatricisms. It's probably not the best album to listen to theirs if you haven't heard their work before (that would be castaway & cutouts), but it's so refreshing to hear lyrics that are intelligent.

2 Things. Which Actually, under further, and somewhat closer examination, actually become 1 thing. (Which kind of gives away the ending, but hopefully

So, it's late, but I have coffee coursing through my veins, and what better to do but put an entry in this blog.

As I write this, i'm reminded of two very important things.

1) Today (well, actually yesterday, but no-one ever let the truth get in the way of a good story) is the 2nd anniversary of Elliott Smiths passing. Why do I care, and more succintly, why should you care? Only because Mr Smith was one of the greatest proponents of sad,depressing,despondent (insert synonym here) music ever! The moment that really highlights this for me, is in the movie "The Royal Tenenbaums" (if you have'nt already seen it, you could do worse than seeing it. Of course, as i'm not a highly opioniated critic, who believes everything they say should be gospel, I frankly don't really care one way or the other). So Elliott Smith's "Needle In the Hay" plays over a very emotional scene, and perhaps in that moment, I became a great (as opposed to a cursory) fan of Elliott. So perhaps, 2 minutes of silence for him. Or even better, listen to any Elliott Smith song, and think about his passing (in a, who's going to replace him, kind of way. I mean, who to listen to now, when it all becomes too much?)

(oh and btw, check "twilight" from his 'from the basement to the hill" posthumous album. its suitably sad)

2) Actually, there wasn't really a 2nd. Although, for the interests of truthfulness, and all that, i'll make something up. Err... Well, how about this weather? Umm, oh that's it. Not the weather, but that... Ok I have completely forgot. It's the absent mindedness again.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Battleship Potemkin

Finally got around to watching "The Battleship Potemkin" tonight. Made in 1924, this b&w silent film probably isn't everyones idea of a great night in, but it does hold a place in cinema history. The back-cover goes on about how it uses "montage" and has the most famous scene in cinema, the attack on the steps of Odessa.

That being said, that scene is amazing, and I found myself totally drawn into the movie. (Even if it does commit film-makings cardinal sin, and kill a child on-screen) At only 66 minutes, it's not too long, and I wished everyone could watch it at least once. Although it didn't make me want to read anymore of Tolstoy though. Oh well.

Currently Listening To(1) : I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness - The Less You See (pretentious title, but cool nonetheless)
Currently Listening To(2) : Azure Ray - November (just for the " I was afraid to be alone. Now im scared thats how id like to be" lyric

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Must Love Dogs or The Many Faces of John Cusack

Well, thanks to being in the piracy capital of Australia, I happened to get my hands on "Must Love Dogs"

And I didn't mind it. However, there seems to have been a small error in titling the movie. You probably think, it's just an innocuous rom-com, what deep analysis could be entered into? You'd be right! BUT, I take offence to the title, when clearly this movie cares little for dogs, and/or the love thereof. Why do I say this? Well, firstly, neither of the main characters own dogs. Yes, I know that in the movie they have the first (of 4) dates at a "dog park". This is a cheap contrivance. What is the point of the whole "must love dogs", if in fact, both characters admit they don't need to love dogs? This movie could have easily been called "Must Love Horseshoes" and still would have made perfect sense. Or "Must Love Cliches!". Anyway, it follows the conventional romantic comedy laws.

A) Two protagonists sworn off love, alternatively confess the pain and suffering their ex put them through, or wonder what they did wrong
B) Said protagonists meet, somewhat unbelievably, and have "awkward" first meeting
C) Best friend either - encourages romance, or espouses non-sensical advice
D) 2nd meeting invariably leads to romantic interlude, followed by awkwardity
E) Protagonists are spotted in the arms of an 1) ex 2) workmate 3) stranger
F) Hurt party refuses to listen to protestations of "it meant nothing" by guilty party
G) Brooding, followed by pining, then some more brooding
H) Realisation of "true feelings"
I) Grand gesture of love, culminating in mutual acceptance and happiness.
J) Roll credits

(for extra marks, give one character a passion for an unusual movie/sport/art. when brooding commences, this character will fall back on this, and engage in lots of feeling sorry for ones self)

So there you go. Want to write a romantic comedy? Just follow the steps.

Anyway, some have said that John Cusack has only 2 facial expressions. I present the following screenshots as proof thereof, or not, as the case may be. I let you make up your own mind.


1. "The Disinterested Look"
2. "Happy"
3. "Wistful Melancholy"
4. "I'm Drunk"

So, there you have it. Proof absolute, that John Cusack has at least 4 facial expressions. That being said, I believe that most male actors have only a handful of facial expressions to bandy about. Sure Jim Carrey probably has about 10, but that is his stock and trade. Ok, now that I have seemingly gone all out to defend John Cusack, who is next? I'm waiting

Friday, September 30, 2005

Coffee Shop Update #2

Day #2, or Some People Just Never Learn

Lucky Start Chinese Takeaway - The Downs Shopping Centre

Ok, so you probably are thinking to yourself, why would you get coffee from a Chinese Takeaway? It's a quick story. I live in Springvale, which some people have referred to as "the burbs", due to its distance from the city. Well where I work, it's another 20 minutes south-ish from there. It's, quite frankly, in the middle of nowhere. So the only place to go for lunch is dodgy takeaways, in and around The Downs.

However, the Lucky Start Chinese Takeaway has one thing going for it. Homemade dim sims. Tasty treats! Magnificent morsels! They really are that good. So, craving said delicacies, I noticed that they also serve Coffee. For the interests of Science, the continuation of this blog, and my own well being, I ordered one short black.

I should have realised there was some issues, when the serving girl had to ask directions from her boss on how to use the coffee machine. I watched her do it, and within a minute, I’m sure I could deliver coffee from that machine. She pressed 1 button. 1 Button! Why she needed directions, I'll never know. Another sign of worry was that there was no fresh grinding of coffee. She merely scooped it out of a jar, placed it into the "puck" (no tamping) and pressed a button. Here I was thinking that being a Barista was an art form. Oh, and a short black usually comes in a small glass/cup. Not this place.

Well, after all this, you'd probably think that the coffee would be awful. Well, it was. But, even though it was a) made by someone who clearly had no idea b) was using poor coffee c) was from a Chinese Takeaway store - it actually was better than my first entry at Coffee Corner. Then again, that's probably not a hard thing to achieve.

However, the homemade dim sims were excellent, and as I was hungry - just what I needed, so the coffee gets a better score. No Quiche-style jokes here, just a below-average coffee, and some good homemade dim sims. 3 Cups out of 10.

(Addendum next time I will be trying the other coffee place at The Downs, perhaps it can save some face for this very 80's looking shopping centre)

Coffee Shop Update #1

Ok, so everyone knows that man cannot live on bread alone, but requires that nectar of the gods, coffee. But, alas, today there are seemingly limitless arrays of coffee houses. How does one pick the cream from the sludge? Well, here begins a mission of mercy, a tale of woe, an exploration of the great coffee houses, and of the human condition. (Ok, maybe now it’s getting a little pretentious)

Day #1, or, "Embryo of disappointment"

Coffee Corner - Endeavour Hills Shopping Centre.

3 world-weary travellers, 1 single unified thought, coffee! The urge was strong, but where to satiate that need? Like a mirage in a desert, the looming spectre of Endeavour Hills shopping centre stood, its gleaming angular lines calling out to us. There was nothing to suggest the anguish we would soon be facing. We entered, and immediately set out to ascertain the location of the finest Coffee establishment. Our choices were thusly:

Pastry Jacks - Bakery, supposedly selling the "best vanilla slice in Australia 2001". Coffee equipment = rudimentary
Coffee Place - A recycled donut king stall, which now had been converted into a coffee shop. Coffee equipment = rudimentary
Coffee Corner - A cafe, with an advertised large array of hot foods (this was soon debatable), and a seating area. Coffee equipment = rudimentary

The possibility of sitting comfortably, as well as hot food, swayed me to the Coffee Corner. This was to be our greatest mistake. Requesting a long black, I asked the domestic working there, "Do you sell sausage rolls", as I was feeling rather peckish (10:30am). Imagine my surprise, and perhaps more aptly, my bemusement, when she stated "No, but we do have (PAUSE) quiche". Now, I am no culinary expert, but in no eatery have I ever been offered QUICHE as a replacement for a sausage roll. Is there any similarity? However, pausing not on the somewhat flawed nature of her "replacement theory", I retorted (as all men should), with the somewhat cliched "REAL MEN DON'T EAT QUICHE". The help staff laughed, albeit nervously, and I continued by saying "I think I’ll stick to coffee".

Once I returned to our table, I relayed the story, which brought about much laughter, and quizzical looks. However, these quizzical looks soon turned to looks of dismay, as watches were furtively glanced at, and heads were turned toward the main coffee-making area, as there was a distinct lack of activity. Now, Thursday seems to be pension day, therefore it should be one of their busiest days. However, the Coffee Corner had approximately 6 customers, and yet, the coffee was taking an exorbitant amount of time to be delivered. What foul incumbrance had we discovered? It was to get decidedly worse.

Now, some have said I am a coffee snob. I believe the best coffee is black, with no adulteration of milk or (shudder) sugar. If you are going to drink coffee, drink coffee; don't spoil it with useless addendums. That being said, it's pretty hard to get a long black wrong. I mean, it's just coffee and water. It's not that difficult, or so you'd think. Well the Coffee Corner gets it so wrong. The coffee was burnt, sludgy and tasted repulsive. Their coffee disgusted all 3 of our party.

However, without disappointment, one cannot truly appreciate greatness. Similarly, I finally realised that we could review said coffee shops, to assist not only us, but also anyone in the local area who requires a good drop. With that in mind, I can unequivocally give Coffee Corner 2 thumbs down. Out of 10? I would give it 2 cups. Why so generous? Well the serving girl did laugh at my quiche joke. I can't fault her on that. But as we left, we came to a single conclusion, a unified feeling of thought.

We vowed never to return.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

2 Goals

Goal 1) Finish war & peace. 9% of the way through (according to my ebook reader - at least i know now)
Goal 2) Write 3 chapters of a book, and be happy to let others to read it.
Timeframe : 1 Month.

Oh, and another Song of the Week

Gotta Reason - Hard-Fi.. Of the Stars Of CCTV album... Awesome song, just getting ready for summer!

Ashes Victory

So Monday night/Tuesday morning I watched the final proceedings of the 2005 Ashes Series. A lot of pundits are calling it the greatest series ever, and, as I sat glued to my screen till 4:00am, I would have to agree with them.
Firstly, due to my English heritage, I've always been a keen fan of England's many sporting teams. However, as many of you probably realise, this has not always been easy. Due to English teams tendency to lose far more than they win, you become somewhat conditioned to mediocrity. Before this Ashes series, I was not very confident of England's supposed cricketing prowess, and the Australian players 5-0 predictions, were somewhat alarming, yet still could have been realised.
After the first test at Lords, this 5-0 whitewash seemed a greater possibility. Somehow, though, there was a sense of something more, as if the contest hadn't actually started. And over the next 4 tests, this suspicion was proved correct.
So England wins back the Ashes 2-1. Australia eats some humble pie, although they were cocky, both teams showed sportsmanship not often seen in high-stakes sporting contests. Roll on the next Ashes campaign in Australia!

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Playlist for those who need a bit of musical education

Monday, September 05, 2005

Quote of the Day!

Saw this on espn's website... thought it was pretty funny.

Mexico (5-1-1) still needs another point in its final three games to make Germany 2006. Its coach, Ricardo Lavolpe, was not impressed by the winners.
"The U.S. is a small team," he said. "They play like my sister, my aunt and my grandmother."

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Formed A Band?

I haven't posted in a while. But, I've decided to start posting about music. Perhaps a song a week that you should seek out, d/l, and listen till you get sick of it, just in time for the next weeks song.

Ok, so the title of this post gives away this weeks selection. It's Formed A Band by Art Brut. With lyrics like

Formed a band, we formed a band, look at us, we formed a band
And yes, this is my singing voice, it's not irony, it's not Rock & Roll
We're gonna be the band that writes the song that makes Israel and Palestine get along.

Reading that, you are probably thinking it's either going to be really really bad, or awe-inspiringly amazing. I can safely say it's the latter. Check out Art Brut at Maybe when your done, you too will form a band, and write the song that makes Israel & Palestine get along. Or maybe not.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Reason To Stay?

And when i see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around

If you feel discouraged
That there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seems
Absorbing everything
The spectrum's a to z

This fact not fiction
For the first time in years
And all the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone

To call at 7:03 and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
But i know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Bore Of The Worlds Review

War of the Worlds? More like Bore of the Worlds

Ok, so this movie is all about the special effects. Visually & Sonically, this movie is one you have to watch on the big screen to get the full effect (no pun intended) But if you are expecting a stunning plot to co-exist with the bells & whistles, you might want to sit this one out.

It seems like all disaster & psuedo-disaster movies have a similar formula in common. How does War of the Worlds hold up?

a) Everyman flawed hero, who overcomes adversity & his own personal demons, to save his family or other group of people. Check

b) Angst-ridden emo-esque teenager, who listens to loud music, therefore becoming "cool". He will hate the hero at first, but after many scrapes and near-misses realises the true worth of said hero. Check

c) Annoying child who screams a lot, but somehow stays alive. Check

d) Disposable characters, read cannon-fodder. Check

e) Insurmountable odds, overcome by none except hero & companions. Check

f) Boredom whenever hero et al are on screen, punctuated by moments of excitement when things are blown up. Check

Well, as you can imagine, I didn't enjoy this movie. The characters were cliched, unlikeable and frankly irratating. By the 20th minute or so, i was hoping "Ray" and his kids got mashed. Or blown to pieces. Speaking of which, why did the death rays blow up all the people, but not their clothes? Where the aliens so precise with thier shooting, that they could target just the flesh? Or were they so intelligent, that there weaponary could shoot around the seams? Then again, these aliens, who being so intelligent, can hide their vehicles underground for thousands of years, and yet they are fooled by something as simple as a mirror?

Tom Cruise, his angsty son played by some no-name, and the most annoying child "actor" in history, dakota fanning, should all be excised from this movie. Give me explosions, give me fiery laser rain, give me anything but the constant suspension of belief we have to put up with. "Just change the solenoids", Tom's character says during the prolonged introduction. I wish someone had changed the script.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Cinematique Adventure #1

So I saw Mr & Mrs Smith. Strangely enough, I rather enjoyed it.
However, before I write any more, I must qualify my comments.
It seems today that everyone has the "ability" to review movies. Before the Internet, only a select few could have a review published, let alone seen by the masses. With the Internet, and a few minutes up one's sleeve, a movie critic can be born. Yet, how do these people qualify to critic status? Does their ability to type (sometimes incoherently) enable their opinion to be trusted? Because a well-respected blog states "this movie is rubbish", do we instantly agree with them? It seems far too often the answer is yes. Too many people have lost their own sense of taste, allowing it instead to be overwritten by those guardians of cool, those users of the Internet.
So, this isn't a review. This is my opinion of a movie. You can disagree or agree, it's up to you. I wont presume to belittle you, by deluding myself into thinking my opinion is right for you. Make your own opinion, don't just be influenced by the taste-makers.
I'd seen the trailers, and they didn't really impress me. Usual hyberbolic action movie, explosions here, death & destruction elsewhere. Next. Yet, when visiting the cinema, it seemed like nothing else was on. Plus my friend had been looking forward to seeing it. Five minutes later, we were making our way to cinema 6.
I guess the signs were bad, when, prior to the movie, we had to endure 25 minutes of advertisements & previews. Saw the Batman Begins trailer, which looked pretty awesome. The other trailers were so-so. I'm probably not the only one who thinks Fantastic Four looks exceptionally bad, but make your own mind up.
Then the movie started. Eventually. I was very suprised, pleasantly so. While the movie wasn't concentrating on action, I enjoyed it a lot. Not sure if they bill it as an action-comedy, but it got a lot of laughs. If you disconnect your brain, and accept it for what it is, a hollywood movie, you won't be upset.
Except in parts, it seems to strive for something more. It's like the they took two halves and amalgamated them into one movie. The action side, and the much better dramatic side. Ok, maybe dramatic is too strong a word, but there is definetly more to this movie than action. That being said, the action was over the top, and felt tacked-on. 
So it was going to be good, but the last 20 minutes seem out of place. Hence i'll give it a better than average mark.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Well, it's that time again. Time for an ill-conceived update.
Why ill-conceived you ask? Well, usually when an update is planned, you would think there was some exciting news to share. Some new development, some news worthy item. Yet, there is none.
So what is new? Not much. I mean, when I started to post on this blog, it was supposed to be full of information. Continuous streams of data, which would make all interested. However, i'm bored of it. Surely blogs are passe. Everyone knows, word of mouth is the new blog!
All hail conversations! Real conversations! Not lame instant messaging. Not Sms. Not blogs. But real face to face, conversations.

Friday, March 18, 2005

The Newness aka What's Old Suddenly Comes Back Into Fashion

So, it's time for a little update of my blog. I've had some positive & some negative comments. Ok, mostly negative, seems like not everyone shares my passion from Robot Monkey Arms. But really, what's not to like? Some people just don't appreciate the good things in life. It's their loss I'm sure.

In other, less news-worthy news, it seems like my 2 weeks of freedom are in their final hours. 7pm Saturday, that is the time of reckoning. But, I'm suprisingly non-plussed about it all. I mean, I enjoyed my single status for 2 weeks, even the cooking wasn't bad. I just guess people talked it up too much, and after my years of training, I just couldn't bring myself to make a mess everywhere. You're probably thinking, what kind of guy is this guy? And you'd be right, I have let down the whole male race. I just think mess ain't all it's cracked up to be. Perhaps clean is the new mess, faux-tidiness is the new untidy? Perhaps & probably more accurately, perhaps not.

What else is new? Well, quite a bit. But I can't go into details here. Not now. So I'll leave a cryptic clue for those playing along at home. The horse jumps sideways through a hoop made of copper. If you can decipher that, let me know. It's been bothering me for some time.

Did you hear the joke about the rope? You did? Ok, I'll skip it. (PURE COMEDY GOLD)

So, last night I had a beef vindaloo @ southland shopping centre. In the interest of non-defamation, I will not name the offending outlet, but if you go to the food court, you'll have a fair idea. It wasn't dramatically bad, just really dry. Plus it had the desired (?) result of giving me really, really, really bad wind. Speaking of which, my stomach even now taunts me. But hey, it was a Vindaloo, and due to my being English, it is my birthright to eat as much as it as is possible. In true David Chau fashion, I will be uploading a picture, so you may see it, in all its wondrous glory.

Well, I can't think of anything even remotely self-indulgent, so I think I'll pull the pin on this update. Write some comments if you want, let me know what you think.Ok, over & out

Monday, February 21, 2005

Robo Monkey Limbs
Monkeys control robot arms by thought alone. I love technology. I wonder what will happen when the monkeys take over the laboratory, and start producing robo-limbs, then form an army intent on world domination? Who will be laughing then?

Think about it.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

All Jokes Aside

So I haven't posted for a while.

First A Joke!

What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.

Well, i thought it was funny. Almost as good as:

What do you call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments?

Medieval style humour there. So im not really all that excited to put anything into today's blog effort. Feeling a little poorly, had a bad stomach all day.

What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?
They both don't drive tractors.

Ha! More amazing humour, no? Well maybe you doubters out there will like the next one.

What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

Well it's true isn't it?

Over & out.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Slogans For T-Shirts

Ahem, so here is some slogan's for t-shirts I think would be cool:

This Is Not A Slogan
Token White Guy
By the time you finishing reading this slogan, you'll realise it probably was'nt really worth reading after all.
If there's one thing i've learnt, it's learn more than one thing.
My Other Slogan Is Better
Don't Blame Me, I didn't Vote at all.
King Of Banality.

Ok they are lame. next.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The Next Day a.k.a What to write about

So today I booked my tickets to fly up to Sydney for The Shins concert. It's funny, but even with 3 airlines, the prices still are so/so. You see them advertise for $19 one way, and people think, "WOW - let's go", but they don't realise 2 very important factors. 1) That price doesn't include taxes etc of $30+ 2) Jetstar & Virgin Blue are not the greatest to fly on. Have you ever been to Jetstars "TERMINAL" (and I use the term very loosely)? It's basically a tin shed in the middle of nowhere. So even though the fare is cheap, you end up paying an arm & a leg to get out there. Anyway, enough of my airline rants, cause most have heard it all before.

Just looking in my work inbox, two things that immediately jump at me. 1st, the reply from Grado vis-a-vis the SR60 Headphones. I checked this out at Grado Labs and they have a price there of about US$60. So I thought cool, I'll grab me a pair. But, you can't buy them online, and you have to buy from an approved distributor. Ok, I think, I’ll email them asking where the distributor is near me (Melbourne, Australia). So I await their reply. It comes, a few days later, and here it is:


available at audiophile

9489 4864


WOW! Such informative-ness. Thanks Nik! Fair enough, I can live with lack of information. After all that is what the Internet is for, right? So I go to Audiophile's website, have a peruse through their catalogue. The SR60's are there, just waiting for my hard-earned dollars to lavish them with a new home. But what's this? The price tag seems a little INFLATED? Hmm, US$60 translates to AUD$185? WHAT!? I'm not sure how this discrepancy can be justified. Perhaps S&H could equate to what, I'm guessing $20? But according to US$80 equates to just AUD$105. So where is that extra 80 or so dollars coming from? More investigation is required, but don't fret, I’ll get to the bottom of this. And I'm coming for you, NIK!

2ndly in my inbox, and in contrast to the previous email, more pleasingly, is The Shins ticket email receipt thingy. 7th February. For those of you without knowledge of said band, avail yourselves of the following linkages

Well its almost coming to an end, this spurt of blog interest. Today is another working day, and so I lack motivation to do much. Perhaps I’ll leave you all (1? 2 at max?) with a recommendation to find an amazing track. The Go Team are pretty Avalanches-esque, and I’m currently enjoying their track LADYFLASH. Get it! Got it? Good.


Monday, January 17, 2005

Day 1

And so it begins. When I first heard of the whole "blog" revolution, I was sure that I could resist the temptation of having my own. It probably boiled down to the fact that I thought, as do a lot of people, that what I had to write, wasn't worth reading. Well, there's only one way to find out.

So here is the first post, apart from some random & sporadic ramblings I did on the a-chau website. Most of those writings was my dislike for certain things, and I guess thats something Im going to keep on with. It's easy and there's a lot of source material - don't like it? Get over it!

But I'd also like to use this as an opportunity to get some of the junk in my head out. Maybe you'll read it and agree, maybe you'll just think im crazy, or maybe you'll just click back. That's ok, I really don't mind. It's as much a cathartic experience for me as anything else, but if you derive some entertainment from it, that's cool. However, I don't really think of my incoherencies to be of that standard, so you'll probably just sigh, look around nervously and close your browser. So be it.

Well, thats enough of an introduction I guess. Now for some blog-like commentary on the world in general.

iPod Shuffle. -> I think the advertising for this is really clever. Enjoy Uncertainty. I know I do, but for the control freaks out there, tough luck. They'll be better off buying something else. But the iPod Shuffle seems like a cool little gadget. Sure it's attention-seeking, but so are most gadgets nowadays. Who wants something that weighs 20kgs, and doesn't fit in your pocket! The absence of hands leads me to believe that the answer is no one. Then again, maybe just maybe, big is the new small. Perhaps developing a huge, oversized, overweight mp3 player is just what the market needs. Call it the iPod Behemoth or something. You could have the advertising campaign talk about "Size Matters" or "Big is the new Small" or even "Enjoy Complete Control" - then again, im no advertising guru (and it shows)

Music. Picked up Matador at 15, just come out in Australia. Had heaps of songs that I remember really enjoying, before I would make notes of songs to buy or d/l. This is Our Emergency, The Laws have Changed - Awesome tracks. But even better than that, I realised that Malkmus & Pavement are geniuses. I now have to track the cd's down, and promptly hand over my money to the retail store assistants! Well, anyway i'll give you a link to a music blog which you really should check out. Called "Copy, Right?" it contain's some covers both old, and new. I can highly recommend The Killers take on the Morrisey track Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself..

ok, enough for now. over and out.